A Letter To My Sons {Before Baby Sister Arrives}

Dear Boys,

As I write this to you, you are 5 and 4 years old, and our family is headed for some big transitions in the next few months. And there are a few things I wanted to share with you before all of the these big changes come.

For starters, I think you know this, but I wanted to put it down in writing, I LOVE being your mom. You two, born so close together, are the ones who have taught me how to be a mom. I still have so much to learn and I make many a mistake, but you are teaching me a little more each day and I'm so grateful for that.

And I love these ages that you're at right now - you're still small enough to climb up and cuddle in my lap but big enough to get yourselves dressed. You're old enough to engage in some semi-logical conversations but young enough to still be filled with innocence, and a joy and wonder so pure. While there are wonderful aspects of every age and much more good to come, I want you to know how much I delight in you both right now.

I love the way you wonder so freely, Ben. I love to listen to your curiosity run wild and your never-ending questions, even though sometimes I get to a point in the day where I can't answer them anymore {because there are just so many}. It's kind of like getting full on really good food - the food is still tasty but you just don't have any more room in your tummy for it after a while. Sometimes, Mommy gets a little full and I don't have anymore room that day for your questions. But that doesn't mean that they aren't great questions and I hope you keep asking them, always. We just might need to get a little journal to write them down in! Keep letting curiosity lead you and wonder spill forth. I am positive that I am filled with more wonder and curiosity because of you and I am so happy about that.

And Blake, I delight in the way you relate not only to people, but to all creatures big and small, with an interest and a tenderness so profound. It makes me smile to see the ways you love with your hands {most of the time} through your big Blakey bear hugs and sweet tickles; and the way you are so quick to pick up any and every insect or animal you find {perhaps a little too quick for Mama's comfort}. And I have learned to really enjoy going on walks and hikes with you, as slow as they may be because you need to stop and inspect and touch all the things. You help me to slow down and appreciate the smallest of beauties that lay before me - and that is a gift.

I love waking up to the sounds of your little footsteps, pitter pattering their way into the bathroom each morning. It delights me to hear you embarking on a new days' worth of play together; playing "house" and "camping" and "school," as I listen to your imaginations take the lead, inventing new games and creating a host of characters and scenarios to live into. At night, I love to listen to you two talking in your bunk beds, recounting the adventures of the day and scheming of even greater ones for the day to come. And then I always feel so proud of you when I hear one of you say, "I'm tired now, can you please stop talking so I can go to sleep?" Because when you say this, you are communicating how you feel and what you need. This is really important, especially as our family grows bigger. I want you both to continue to express how you feel and what you need, even though I am only one Mommy and I can't and won't be able to meet all of your needs all of the time. But it is important that you express them because I want to know what they are so Daddy and I can do our best to meet your needs. And maybe sometimes you can even meet each others' needs in the way that you share and help each other out. 

And while I'm on the topic of helping each other out, I want to tell you how much I love seeing you two love each other. Although I know you sometimes fight, get on each others' nerves, and need the occasional space from one another, you love each other so deeply and so well. It makes my heart so happy to see the bond that you share with each other. And this is one reason why this upcoming season of changes might be hard for you both. Because Ben, you are going off to Kindergarten. This means you will now be going to school all day, every weekday. And while I'm very excited for all of the new adventures you will have and the things you will learn, I know this will be a big change for both of you, and for me too. This will be the first season when you won't have most of the day, every day to play with each other. You will probably really miss each other and that's ok, it's actually a good thing because it shows how much you love each other. But sometimes things that are good are also hard. I know that may not make much sense to you now, but trust me on this one and know that it's ok for it to feel a little bit hard.

Changes can be really hard, especially when things feel really good as they are. Our life right now and our family feels pretty good, doesn't it? And we are preparing for the arrival of Lovey, your baby sister, who doesn't have an official name yet. Babies, they bring a lot of change and they have a lot of needs. They're not big like you yet, so they can't get themselves dressed or get a snack or brush their teeth. Actually, did you know that babies don't come with teeth? Weird, huh?! And babies don't know how to use the toilet yet, so they go pee and poop in their diapers. You did that too before you grew into big boys. You can imagine that it isn't very comfortable to sit in your own pee and poop. So, someone has to change all those diapers and it's ok if you don't want that someone to be you. Mommy and Daddy will have to do things like change her diapers and rock her to sleep. As we've talked about, she'll drink Mommy's milk until she gets those teeth, which means that Mommy will have to feed her whenever she's hungry. Babies get hungry a lot, even more often than you guys, if you can believe that.

Babies cry a lot too. Ben, you and I are both sensitive to noise, so this might be hard for us both. We can talk about it when it happens. But babies cry when they need something, so maybe you both can be like detectives and try to help me figure out what she is needing when she cries.

You know what I'm thankful for? That  you two have become such great helpers around the house. It's going to take a lot of teamwork and helping each other out once Lovey joins our family. But I believe in us and that we can do it together, with lots of help from God.

Boys, these changes are probably going to feel a little bit hard, maybe even a lot a bit, but they're going to be good. So, as we go forward into this next season, let's talk about the hard and the good. Let's do it together, with lots of love in action and prayer. And just know, I will love you through it all.


Your Mama